My friend, let’s talk about those super holy people who practically live in church. You know the ones—always front and center, nodding aggressively to the sermon like they're in a rap battle with the pastor. But let’s be real… why do the most active churchgoers often seem to be the greediest, most self-centered, and least caring people?
1. They Hoard Blessings Like a Dragon Hoards Gold
Ever noticed how Sister Margaret prays for financial blessings every week but won’t even lend you a pound for coffee? Or how Brother Bob says, “God is good!” right before he cuts in line at the after-service buffet? These folks love to claim prosperity but sharing it? Ha! That’s between them and Jesus.
2. They Are Masters of Selective Kindness
Oh, they’ll gladly pray for you—just don’t ask them for an actual favor. Need help moving? “I’ll pray about it.” Struggling financially? “Have faith, my child.” But when THEY need something? Oh, suddenly it’s a blessing for you to help them. How convenient!
3. They Act Like They Have VIP Access to Heaven
They walk around with that holier-than-thou energy, acting like they’ve got a direct hotline to God. “Oh, you don’t go to church every Sunday? Wow, must be nice not worrying about eternal damnation.” Meanwhile, they gossip about the entire congregation the second they step outside.
4. The Church is Their Social Club (and They Run It Like the Mafia)
Church activities? Oh, they’re there. Choir, Bible study, usher duty—they’re in everything. And heaven forbid you sit in their usual pew! They have church politics down to a science. New members? You better know who’s in charge before you even think about volunteering.
5. They’re Generous… When Everyone’s Watching
They’ll drop that tithe envelope in the collection plate with the grandeur of a billionaire philanthropist, making sure everyone sees it. But ask them to support your fundraiser? Suddenly, they’re on a strict budget.
So, What Do They Actually Do in Church?
Judge people for missing service while texting during the sermon.
Pray dramatically, ensuring the whole congregation hears their deep conversation with the Lord.
Fight for control over who gets to organize the next bake sale.
Nod vigorously in agreement with the preacher, even if they weren’t listening.
Secretly hope the sermon ends before the queue at the chicken shop gets too long.
Final Thoughts
Look, I’m not saying every active churchgoer is like this. But you know you’ve met a few! Of course, there are genuinely kind and giving people in the church, but let’s not pretend we don’t all know a Sister Karen or Brother Paul who fits the bill.
So next time you see them acting like the unofficial CEO of Christianity, just smile and say, “Wow, God’s still working on you, huh?”
Amen to that!
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