Ah, Sunday morning—the time to dust off that halo, polish it up real nice, and head to church like you've never told a lie in your life. 😇 If you listen closely, you can hear the choir of excuses warming up: "I’m only human." 🙄 Well, ain't we all?
But wait! Before you walk in with your "holy" attitude, let's play a little game:*
🎱 HYPOCRITE BINGO! 🎱
✅ Goes to church every Sunday but won't even lend a hand to their neighbor who's struggling to carry groceries. 🤔 Maybe it’s because the Bible clearly says, "Thou shalt not strain thy back helping out, lest ye miss Sunday brunch." 🥞
✅ Tithes generously every week... but then tries to sneak out of splitting the bill at dinner. 🙈 Because who needs generosity when the check comes, right? Jesus would’ve totally Venmo’d his part... after all the miracles, of course.
✅ Spends half the service praying, the other half mentally writing down the juiciest gossip about Sister Karen. ✍️ (Did you see her dress? God bless, but even the Lord might turn water into wine just to cope with that fashion crime.)
✅ Preaches about honesty and integrity 🙌... but when you ask how their diet is going, they’ve conveniently forgotten about that midnight raid on the cookie jar. 🍪 "God knows my heart"—yes, and He also knows your pantry, sis!
✅ Loudly proclaims, "We’re all God’s children!" 😇... but let’s be real: If you cut them off in traffic, they'll summon language that’d make the devil himself blush. 😈 #WWJD? Probably use the blinkers, Karen.
✅ Claims to be a peacemaker ✌️... yet somehow starts more drama than an underpaid soap opera writer. 🎭 The phrase "turn the other cheek" applies—except when they’re throwing shade at that one friend who still hasn’t paid them back for lunch in 2019.
✅ Talks about how they never cheat 😇... unless it’s at game night or on their taxes. "Render unto Caesar," they say... but not when there’s an extra deduction at stake. 🧾
✅ Calls out sinners like it’s their side hustle, 📢 but let’s be honest, their "forgive and forget" has more conditions than a phone contract.
BONUS ROUND: 📞 They’ll preach about being humble and how God blesses the meek... right before showing off their new phone, car, and vacation photos on Instagram. 😎
So, next time you see someone walking into church looking all holy, just remember: somewhere in the parking lot, there’s probably someone they cut off, honking and waving…with only one finger. 😏
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