Ah, the Filipino party—a magical event where showing up late is considered polite, saying no to more food is basically a sin, and karaoke isn’t a choice—it’s a destiny. If you’ve ever found yourself trapped between a tray of lumpia and a Tito who insists he “used to sing in a band,” you know exactly what I’m talking about. Buckle up, because navigating a Filipino party is like running a marathon with a full stomach and an empty excuse list. And no, you’re not leaving until Tita says so. Spoiler alert: she never does.
Step 1: Arrive ‘on time’…which means at least an hour late. Let’s be real, if you show up right when the party starts, the only thing you’ll get is a front-row seat to Tito Boy setting up the karaoke machine and Tita Luz fussing over the lumpia. Filipino time isn’t a myth—it’s a survival tactic.
Step 2: Prepare for food, lots of food. You think you've seen buffets? Nah, you've never truly experienced a buffet until you've seen an entire lechon chilling in the middle of the dining table, surrounded by every carb known to man: rice, pancit, spaghetti (Filipino style with sugar, hotdogs, and your childhood dreams). Don't worry about space, though. If there’s no room, Tita will make room. On your plate. Whether you asked for seconds or not.
Step 3: Master the art of dodging questions about your life. Ah yes, the moment you’ve been dreading. Be prepared for the classic, “Why are you still single?” or “How much is your salary now?” But here's the trick: distract them with compliments about their food! “Wow, Tita, this adobo is soooo good! Can I get the recipe?” Next thing you know, you’re knee-deep in a 45-minute explanation about how to make it, while dodging life advice like Neo from The Matrix.
Step 4: Karaoke: There’s no escape. Don’t even think about leaving without singing. Karaoke is a non-negotiable part of the program. If you can't sing, don’t worry—this is a Filipino party, not The Voice. Whether you sound like Beyoncé or a goat with a sore throat, you're getting that mic. And just when you think you’ve nailed your Celine Dion impression, someone’s Tito will come out of nowhere with My Way—because no Filipino karaoke session is complete without someone absolutely murdering Frank Sinatra.
Step 5: Bring a plastic container…or three. Because you will be taking home food. It’s the unspoken rule of every Filipino party. Just when you think you’ve eaten your weight in lumpia, pancit, and kakanin, Tita will appear with a mountain of leftovers, and a concerned look on her face, like "Kunin mo na, sayang!" And when she says "just a little bit," what she really means is "a month’s supply."
Step 6: Don’t expect to leave anytime soon. If you think you can just eat and dash, think again. Filipino parties are marathons, not sprints. You're here for the long haul, so settle in. Even if you manage to say goodbye, you’ll spend at least another hour at the door because every relative has to give you a hug, a take-home plate, and some unsolicited life advice.
So next time you’re invited to a Filipino party, don’t just show up—prepare. And remember, there’s no such thing as “just passing by” at a Filipino gathering. You're in for the long haul, armed with full plates, off-key karaoke, and a lifetime supply of lechon.
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