Alright, it’s official—I am in desperate need of a holiday. I’m talking “stick-a-fork-in-me-I’m-done” level. So, where am I off to? None other than the glorious shores of Antalya! A whole week of doing absolutely nothing—other than reclining in every sunbed I can find and perfecting my impression of a sun-baked burrito. And where will I be staying, you ask? The fabulously named Club something Palace?!. Forgot the exact name... I think it sounds like a cocktail, but believe me, this place is serving up a lot more than drinks with umbrellas in them. Buckle up; I’m giving you the lowdown on what’s going to be the highlight of my year (and possibly my life).
The Arrival: The Start of My Transformation to Total Relaxation
First up, let’s talk about the resort’s reception. From the moment I step in, I’ll be treated like royalty—or at least that’s what TripAdvisor says, and I’m holding them to it! I plan to look bedraggled on arrival, of course. It’s part of my “before” picture transformation plan: arrive exhausted, emerge seven days later as a sun-kissed, well-rested vision of myself.
The Room: My Royal Chambers (In My Mind, At Least)
I’ll be nestled in a luxurious room that reportedly has all the amenities—fluffy robes, complimentary toiletries (that I’m totally bringing back with me), and a balcony with a view. Apparently, the beds are designed for optimal rest, scientifically proven to be perfect for sleeping, napping, lounging, and pondering the mysteries of life. I’ll probably be spending more time here because, honestly, why else do people go on holiday?
Poolside Bliss: Let the Lounging Begin
The real star of the show? The resort has five pools. That’s right—five! Because why commit to one pool when you can hop between them like a lazy, sun-soaked toad? There’s a water park for the inner child, a quieter pool for “contemplation” (a.k.a. sleeping under a giant hat), and a main pool where I plan to cultivate my best “I’m on holiday” face for Instagram. They say floating in a pool for seven days straight has proven health benefits, backed by research I’ll absolutely look up later. Probably.
The Food: My Date with the Buffet
Now, let’s talk buffet. This resort reportedly has food options for days. I’m not sure how I’ll handle the absolute feast I’ve read about, but rest assured, I’m up for the challenge. From Turkish delights to pasta stations to desserts that are practically begging to be photographed—every meal will be a workout, and I am prepared to make that sacrifice. And let’s not even mention the endless supply of drinks. There’s “scientific evidence” (again, mostly just me here) that a daily dose of cocktails while lounging can significantly reduce stress.
The Spa: Nirvana Awaits
For when the pool gets too tiring (which it will, obviously), there’s the spa—a place where, for the right price, someone will practically pummel the tension out of you. Yes, I’ll be getting a massage, yes, I’ll be trying the hammam, and yes, I’m aware that this might be the only time in my life where I am exfoliated to within an inch of my life by a professional. Research says massages can lower cortisol levels, so I’m basically taking part in a scientific experiment.
Evening Entertainment: Because I Need to Dance Like Nobody's Watching
And then, after a day full of relaxation, food, and pampering, there’s evening entertainment—because apparently, they want to keep us entertained 24/7. Live shows, themed nights, probably a slightly embarrassing karaoke session… I’ll be there, clapping along with the energy of someone who hasn’t danced in years. No promises, but I may even drag myself onto the dance floor.
So here’s to a week of pure, unadulterated relaxation, sun, (hopefully) and possibly the consumption of more kebabs than anyone thought possible. By the time I get back, I’ll either be a new person or, at the very least, someone with a killer tan and no remaining shame about shamelessly asking for “just one more” at the buffet.
Stay tuned, friends; Antalya, here I come!
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